Darkest Day Loneliest Night live !

Dependency

I have this "feel bad for other people" feeling in my heart

That's what got me in this from the start

Got me feeling like a dummy

He's taking all my money

On the street with his sign

By no particular design

"Homeless needs help"

I don't know about anybody else, but a part of me feels like I have to extend myself

I got a couple of dollars to lose

But if he doesn't use it on something beneficial than don't I lose?

Survivors Guilt is the feeling

When you're not really sure the real reason that you're dealing

As he approaches- a familiar thing happens

Almost like a fiscal transaction

"God Bless you brother man, I appreciate it"

"No problem and God Bless you my brother, happy that you made it!"

See you next week

Thinking about calling up turbo tax to change my dependency

Allowances weekly

Inherit the world - that's the job of the meekly

And I hope that I"m not contributing weekly

To negative behaviors

The relationship with a stranger

 

Thinking what I'm doing will help him prevail

Thinking what I'm doing will help me get to heaven as well

Thinking what I'm doing will help send him to hell as well

And if I gave him the money shouldn't that be the place where I dwell?

My intentions - I hope they don't fail

I care too much- Oh well

Doesn't really matter what I think- what's meant to be is meant to be

I'm depending on him to feel good, and he's depending on me

Life and Times of Dependency

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Temporary Pleasures

The more time that we spent the better we connected

I knew how I felt about her and didn't doubt those feelings for a second

She could make me laugh she could make me smile

I thought she'd be around forever, I'm in denial

She said eventually she would have to leave

That this love thing wasn't forever it was just a tease

But in the moment we can both wear emotions as our sleeves

But in the end-it would be like trying to hold down the wind or a summer breeze

 

She helped me understand

Exactly how to treat a woman

With respect

And love with your heart until you have nothing left

Even though it felt right, I knew eventually things would turn left

As our relationship grew

There wasn't much that shouldn't help me get through

It was her that I was so into

That I looked up to

So when she wasn't there, I didn't really know what to do

Called her everyday, just to say "hey, I'm thinking of you"

I knew in my heart that this love was true

Felt so divine for that moment of time

 

Taught me how to love so much it brings you to tears
To have no fear
 But it was me in tears
After realizing that she was gone and wouldn't reappear

Then came the day

We finally had to pack up her place
She left me with visions of tears rolling down her face
Something inside me said chase
The other said stay
I was confused- so I stayed in my place
While she quickened her pace
And from my life love walked away....

And from my life...

Love

Walked

Away

Talkin Outloud

 

Same shit different day until shit really hits the fan

Get knocked out

Be down and out

And you really see who's with it man

Who's really your fam and who is really a fan

Shifting attitudes without a care to win or lose

This is just my mood and I don't want it to be subdued

The subliminal in my mental I can't let them out

Because who it's really about they would be shocked to find out

Stand by while they walk by with deceitful visions in their snake eyes

Realize that the truth will be told and the truth grows bold- they put the truth on hold so their fake smiles can take control- but the real recognize

Instead of being fake like the snakes and the jakes

 

I'd rather go back to being that man

Before the licenses and the fame in the hand

That really hungry stay up all night just to put food in my hand

On the grind all of the time the world is yours but I'll make it mine

Anything that I can do it all starts with the thought in my mind

Back to the dude before the plaques and frames on the wall

Back to the dude who did his best with his back against the wall
Back to the dude who didn't give a damn about them all
Back to the dude who never was afraid of the fall 

Last Thoughts

 

They say "don't talk like that" when I say I feel like I'm dying
"Don't think like that" but it's not that I'm trying
But when u feel like u can't breathe
On your bended knee

In tons of pain
Hoping that the outcome remains
In your favor this time
Hoping this isn't the end of my time
But when you're really sick those are the thoughts that creep through your mind

In and out of consciousness halfway wondering if it's better to be let go
Shivering hot flashes face cold and white as snow
Dehydrated nauseous vomiting this can't be life
All the money the cars the material possessions- you'd give up on sight
Just to feel right
Praying to the Christ just to feel right
Praying with all your might just to see another sunlight
Praying that you can fight to make it through the night
Knowing that Christ has full control over the destiny of your life

They tell you how you should feel what you should do to get better
It's easier said than done because this is a feeling that they would never

Know or comprehend
Wouldn't even wish it on the opposite of a friend (That's a foe-Just so you know)
Perception is reality and I want this feeling to end